Tigerstar's Talk Show
by SpiritSkyTheWarrior
Summary: A funny comedic talk show, with three hosts- Tigerstar, Brokenstar and... wait. What? Firestar? \ StarClan help us... Rated M for language and some violence, involving beating each other with toy dinosaurs.
1. Chapter 1

"Hello, and welcome to Firestar's Friendly Talk Show!" Firestar announced cheerfully.

Tigerstar strutted across the stage holding a toy dinosaur taken from Brokenstar and smacked Firestar upside the head with it. "Shut your tiny innocent mouth now. This is my show."

Firestar rubbed his head with his paws. "Hey, that was MEAN!" he whimpered. "You know, back when I was a kittypet, they never beat me with…"

"SHUT. YOUR. FREAKING. MOUTH. BEFORE. I. KILL. YOU." Brokenstar screamed across the stage from where he was sulking under a black blanket.

"What's the magic word~?" Firestar mewed back sweetly.

Brokenstar held up his paw and slid out his claws. Firestar recoiled.

"Um… never mind."

"How did I land a talk show with both of you idiots?" Tigerstar shook his head. "Where's my tutu?"

"Um, you mean MY tutu. Mommy gave it to me." Brokenstar whimpered and cradled his tutu.

"Gimme my goddamn tutu Brokenstar!" Tigerstar screeched.

"SHUT UP. IZ MINE IT WILL ALWAYS BE MINE AND IF YOU TAKE IT FROM ME I WILL TEAR YOUR TOUNGE OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM AND CHOKE YOU WITH IT."

Brokenstar inhaled and exhaled dramatically.

"O-k-a-y. Calm your shit."

"Language, children, language!" Firestar meowed sternly.

"Shut your motherfucking large goddamn mouth right FUCKING NOW." Tigerstar screeched.

Firestar recoiled once more.

Tansy rolled her eyes. "Firestar, stop being a wimp. Tigerstar, stop being an asshole. Brokenstar, get out of your fucking hole of darkness and get up or I will THROW THAT TUTU INTO THE FIRE."

"See what you did, you changed Tansy." Firestar glared at the two evil toms that were now wrestling, smacking each other with toy dinosaurs.


	2. The Obstacle Course

Tansy clicked the "on" button for the camera.

Firestar was asleep on the bright red sofa, cuddling with Spottedleaf.

Tigerstar was dancing in front of a mirror, wearing Brokenstar's bright pink tutu.

Brokenstar was staring at the door, obviously waiting for someone.

"Hellllloooo?"

Firestar jumped from his place on the sofa. Spottedleaf looked at him angrily. "I want to finish cuddlinggggg."

Firestar glared at the door, which was now opening.

A beautiful frost-white cat was padding through the door, leaping onto the stage.

Brokenstar and Tigerstar's jaws dropped to the floor.

"Why, hello there." Brokenstar purred. Tigerstar shoved him aside.

"I am Tigerstar, Prince Of Darkness, the most evil cat living." He bragged.

The she-cat rolled her eyes. "I'm Azureflower. And I'm not going to deal with any bullshit." She said sternly. Then, in a sappy-sweet voice, she added, "But I would love to be a host here on your show."

Tansy jumped from her place. "Yes! Yes. You can be a host. Fix cowardly Firestar, insane Brokenstar and… I don't even have words to describe Tigey."

"Don't call me 'Tigey'." Tigerstar snapped, not taking his eyes off Azureflower.

Spottedleaf stood up from her place on the sofa. "Fire-baby, I'm leaving."

"Noooooo, Spotted-baby! I need you here." Firestar whined, grabbing on to her hind legs. Spottedleaf attempted to shake him off, was unsuccessful, and gave up, dragging him along with her. Firestar purred and rested his head on Spottedleaf's legs as she dragged him along.

Azureflower watched the forbidden couple with wide eyes. "Is he leaving me here, ALONE, with these two?..."

"'Fraid so Azure." Tansy meowed from behind the camera. "Now, get on with the show."

Azureflower took her place on the sofa. "Hello! Welcome to Tigerstar's Talk Show. Introducing our host, Tigerstar," Azureflower meowed happily, watching Tigerstar strut across the stage to sit in the host chair, "and cohost Brokenstar." She finished, holding back a burst of laughter as Brokenstar was smacked in the head with a Barbie.

"And I'm your new cohost, Azureflower! Unfortunately, our third cohost, Firestar, is currently clinging on to his forbidden love, Spottedleaf, so he will not be appearing on our show today." Azureflower finished.

"And on today's show, we'll be doing obstacle courses!" Brokenstar grumbled, rubbing the large lump on his head.

"On Team Blue… Justicestream and Tsunamistar!" Azureflower announced, grinning happily as her two friends padded on the stage.

"Azureeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Justicestream purred.

"Justiceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Azureflower laughed.

Tsunamistar rolled his eyes. "You guys are so overdramatic."

Azureflower and Justicestream turned towards him. "Says YOU!" they meowed together.

"Okay… and on Team Red… Feathershade and Starstream!"

The two she-cats padded onstage and glared at eachother.

"Why am I on a team with Star star Jr?" Feathershade snapped.

"Why am I on a team with a cat that calls me Star star jr?" Starstream snapped back.

"Moving on…" Azureflower snickered. "Ready, set, go!"

The buzzer went off.

Justicestream took off like a shot, dragging Tsunamistar by his tail.

"Hey! I am PERFECTLY capable of running by myself!" Tsunamistar screeched.

She ignored him, and leaped about ten feet in the air to reach the next obstacle.

Feathershade wasn't far behind, but Starstream leaped on her head to gain a larger jump.

"EXCUSE ME, YOU BITCH!"

"I'M NOT A FEMALE DOG!"

Feathershade slammed into Starstream's side, beating her with a mannequin arm.

Meanwhile, Tsunamistar was assisting Justicestream across the last obstacle, the slime filled pool. (It's oobleck)

They entwined tails to gain balance, and ran across the surface of the oobleck. They slammed their paws against the buzzer.

"YASSSSSSSSSSSSs!" They screamed.

Tansy swiveled the camera back around to where Feathershade and Starstream were beating eachother with toy dinosaurs.

Feathershade stabbed Starstream in the eye with a Barbie arm.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" she screeched.

"hahaha… that's it for today's show, folks!" Azureflower yelled quickly as Tigerstar and Brokenstar joined in with wooden knives.


	3. What video?

Tansy was sitting on the set, fumbling with black glittery nail polish.

"Tansy. We need to start the show." Azureflower rolled her eyes. "You can paint your nails later."

"Noooo, I can't! I have a date later!"

"Yeah? With who?"

"…"

"Mhmm. Get behind the camera." Azureflower laughed.

Tansy grumbled under her breath as she took her place behind the camera. "Bossy little…"

"What was that?" Azureflower glared around at the camera-she-cat.

"Nothing!" Tansy purred.

Azureflower calmed, forcing her fur to lie flat. "Hello, warriors! Today, I introduce yet another host… Justicestream!"

Justicestream happily padded onto the stage and purred at Tigerstar, who was sitting in the red chair opposite of Azureflower.

"Hello, Azure." Justicestream snickered.

Azureflower looked at her, obviously confused. "What in the hell are you snickering at?"

"Oh, well, you see… There's this video of you online."

"W-WHAT?!"

"See, you were going along this blade of grass, when suddenly, this light randomly turns red, signaling for you to cross the river. Well, this person just stops RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of the bridge to get across which means you can't leave. So you start screaming and cussing at this random, poor cat."

Azureflower snarled. "Excuse me, they shouldn't have PASSED the line of the bridge in the FIRST place. They should have stayed BACK AT THE STOP SIGN like they're SUPPOSED to."

"Were you late for something?" Justicestream tilted her head, innocent, like a baby turtle.

Azureflower forced herself to NOT claw the eyes out of her best friend's head.

"Yes, Justicestream, I was late. BECAUSE THE CAT I WAS SCREAMING AT WAS YOU!"

"Huh?" Justicestream tilted her head further.

"LOOK at the cat in the car! The only friend I have with perfect fur that's glossy like that is YOU!"

Tansy's eyes widened. "Cats can drive? Woah…"

"TANSY I AM GOING TO F****ING KILL YOU."

Justicestream turned the camera towards her. She winced as the sounds of screaming and fur tearing sounded in the background.

"How do you work this thing…"

"Oh, that's ho-"

Disclaimer; Azure and I are BFF'S, as in Best Fanfiction Friends. Thanks 3


End file.
